The Online Dating Dr

Build it and they will come!

Building a solid online profile is perhaps the most important part of online dating and yet it's the area that most either neglect or simply get very wrong!

So this is where it all begins, your online profile. This is your first and best chance to show the women of the world just how fun, cool and interesting you really are. This is the area that so many men skim over or put least thought into and that is a huge mistake.

Think about the amount of effort most women go to in regards to impressing men? If you can't even be bothered to put a little thought and effort into a simple profile page, what message do you think that conveys?

The kind of responses my profile invokes  

Here are some of the typical opening e-mails that girls send me on the basis of having a good profile.




Step One: Pictures

Ok so it's a bit of a cleche saying but it's a true one. A picture really is worth a thousand words! With that in mind, lets think about what kind of pictures are going to be good to put up?

The first and arguably most important picture is your main profile picture. This is your first impression so make it a good one!

If you don't have any pictures that really catch you in the perfect light then my advice is to spend some money and have a professional model shoot. I'm being serious here. You don't need to look like Brad Pitt but you do want to look as good as YOU possibly can in order to just capture that moments attention from the women that are skimming over hundreds of photos, every night!

Here's my profile picture that after a lot of experimentation, got by far the best results.

Profile Picture

This is probably the most important photo that you have on your dating profile by a long way. This is your first impression so make it the best picture that you possibly have!!

If you're not sure what your best picture looks like then either ask your friends (ideally female friends) or better yet, have a photo shoot done. You can get high level photos taken of you for not very much money these days and they can make all the difference.

It's a small investment to make in yourself when you think about what you;re trying to achieve. Girls buy push up bras, wear makeup, provocative clothes etc so don't think of splashing out on a great profile pis as cheating in any way. you're simply trying to put your best foot forward.

The rest of your pictures

The rest of your photo's should be thought through. What you want to do is demonstrate that you have the qualaties that women find attractive. These traits include:

Confidence this is huge when it comes to generating attraction. Confidence isn't necesarrily standing in a picture looking good but also comes across in shots of your smiling, having fun, not taking yourself too seriously and being happy to make fun of yourself. Just becarful not to take it too far and come over as some kind of clown.

Pre selection (other women want you) although don't just post pictures of you snogging other girls, I can't imagine that will bode well, be more subtle. Leader of men Everyone is naturally attracted to a leader. Even if this isn't who you are, try and chose some kind of photo that represents you in a strong, take charge, I can handle a situation, light.

Fun and exciting choose pictures that let your profile viewers know that you're a fun guy, the kind of man that people would enjoy being around. Try to think outside the box and not just pick a picture with you and your mates getting drunk, it's been done so many times, stay original!

Multi Facsatided Show, through your picture choices, that you have more than one side to you. Show that you can be the wild party animal (if that's what you are) but can also be the guy that's comfortable in a more suffisticated setting. Think James Bond. That man can chill on the beach, go rock climbing, fit in at a party and is also at home at a high class affair.

My kind of pictures

Let me share some examples of the pictures I put up and what they are essentially conveying.

My adventurous side

These pictures actually show off a lot of qualities. Firstly they're in foreign countries which demonstrates that I like to travel and then the individual pictures show that I'm brave, a bit daring and have an adventurous side. Life with me will be interesting and certainly not dull.

My passions
These pictures also demonstrate a lot of Alpha male qualities. Although a lot of women don't like the actual idea of fighting, most are attracted to the idea of a man being able to take care of them. This is hard wired into them through thousands of years of evolution when their survival was directly realted to them partnering with a man that could physically take care of her and their children, as well as be a good provider.

So in short, a man that can take care of a situation (and that doesn't just mean physical) is an attractive man, but that doesn't mean you need to come off as a thug, that's not the same.

Showing that I don't actually take myself too seriously and have fun! You don't want your online presence to look too serious, don't be afraid to show you're happy to make fun of yourself. This in itself demonstrates confidence which is a hugely attractive trait!

Showing that I have a sophisticated side, enjoy nice restaurants and have great friends.
I chose to finish the pictures in my profile with the more sophisticated shots as my main profile picture was fairly smart in the first place but feel free to have a play around with your own. Remember, you don't have to make an exact replica of my profile but instead try and understand why this is conceptually successful.

Stage Two - Writing your opening profile ad.

Your opening profile ad is obviously very important. After your pictures, this is the first chance you have to convey your personality and the first few lines are even more key, as they are what will appear in the box that these women are scrolling through, so make it stand out!

There are a few things that I feel are very important to get across in these initial lines. Firstly I like to show that I'm challenging, no one really wants a doormat or a complete push over.

I also show that I have 'bad points' as well as good. Have you ever heard the saying "if somethings too good to be true, it normally is"? Well women are 100 times more perceptive than men and they will smell BS a mile away. Also, in truth, most women like an element of 'bad boy' but there is a fine line between lovable rouge and just being a dick, so don't go over the top. You're looking (or should I say, they are looking) for that ideal blend of naughty and nice.

On the subject of nice, as much as you don't want to be a total asshole, the same can be said for being the really 'nice guy'. If you're too nice, all the time, then you're often over looked. Your bad bits don't have to be the same as the ones I've stated, but the point is that you don't have to hide them or appologise for being who you are (this in itself is also a great confidence trait, again, sexy stuff).

Lastly, I like to finish with something that challenges them to be different and suggests that I have a lot of attention, am used to having a lot of girls interested in me and want them to jump through a few hoops for me as I no doubt would for the right girl.

Below is an example of one of my ads that I have up for you to get an idea of how's it's actually put together. Don't just go and copy mine as then there will be hundreds of guys with the same profiles and you'll all look like you're in some kind of group and you'll be exposed in the same way that hundreds of men using the same chat up lines in reality would.

Instead try and understand the concepts that go into making a great profile and make your own version that's true to you, your lifestyle and your personality.